We arrived at 8:00 AM Sunday morning and met with the staff to go over the days events. We found our daughter and went to our first team building exercise. This exercise was a lot of fun. One family member was blindfolded and the rest of the family had to guide that person through an obstacle course. The only thing they could do was talk you through it. We all tried it and had a lot of laughs. We then walked around campus and just spent some quality time as a family. Counseling was next and this time we had separate sessions with our daughter. Today's session went much better. We actually talked about her making progress and getting herself to the third level. It was wonderful. We had lunch and then onto an Art class. We were to pick out a log or a piece of drift wood that reminded us of a particular animal. We then painted it to look like that animal. Ours was a bird and I think we did a great job on it.
It was now nearing the end of the day and all of the families met to discuss the weekend and what was coming next for our children. It was a really good discussion. The staff asked what our plans were when our children came home. How were we going to give them a new start in life. This program is only six to nine months, so it doesn't even fill a full school year. The staff told us how important it was to help our children make a new start. They told us how changing their surroundings and people they associated with could help tremendously. A few of the parents were confused as I believe they felt maybe their child was going to be "fixed" in this program. A couple of the parents asked what was meant by the questions. Why would they need to change the surroundings.
(I think when my daughter first went to Elan, I probably felt that way as well. What you have to understand is there isn't any fixing. There is learning new habits. You as a parent have as much work as your child has. They may make the right changes while in a program, but if you put them right back into the same situation, you are going to get the same results.)
My daughter looked at me and asked if she should talk. I nodded and said "Yes, please do". She spoke of how she went to another program before this one. She talked about how it was closing and instead of going into another program she came home. She told them how hard she tried to stay clean, but going back to the same school and seeing the same kids just brought everything back. Within a month she had started right back into ditching school to get high. She said how hard it was to stay away from the people she once partied with. Some of the parents asked her more questions and she spoke openly and honestly. When they were done asking questions, everyone clapped. I was so proud of her. She wanted to help another family understand what it was like. She has such a good heart. I hugged her and told her how much I loved her. I told her how wonderful it was she could talk and explain herself so well.
It was time again to say good-bye. This time I cried and just hugged her tight. We talked about her getting to level three by the end of the month. She was excited and so was I. I felt she was finally growing up and was on a path to making better decisions for her future.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Sunday, February 23, 2014
# 14 Ironwood, Family Weekend
I got the new clothes together and brought them up to Ironwood. Everything from ASR was now there and ready for me to bring home. There was stuff there that was not even ours. I have no idea who it belonged to, but I brought it home as Ironwood would not allow me to leave it there.
I again wrote letters. Although she did not write back, within a month I had my first contact with her. With this program, I could Skype with her. It was great to be able to see her every week. She would let me know what she was working on and how she felt things were going. At the end of the second month, she asked me if she could be moved to another school. She said Ironwood was not going to do anything for her. She knew what she had to do as she had been through it before at Elan. I asked her what she wanted to do. She said some of the kids from Elan and her coach from Elan were all at Hyde School and she wanted to go there. I told her I would think about it and let her know the next week when we talked. She was not happy with me.
I spoke to my daughter's counselor and the administration of the program. I spoke to one of my daughter's former counselors and my Mom. Ironwood said my daughter was at the second level of the program and if I took her out even for a day, she would not be able to come back. They told me she needed to make it to the third level in order to leave campus . Being at the third level of this program allowed more privileges. I spoke to the administration at Hyde and they told me she had to go through an interview process, before she could be accepted.
At our next Skype meeting, I told her if she could make it to the third level by the end of the next month, I would make an appointment with Hyde. I explained to her about how she could not leave campus while she was at level 2. She said she would work hard to get to level 3. We then talked about how there was a family weekend coming up the next weekend. We were headed up Saturday and Sunday. She told me about the different activities going on and we both got excited for the weekend to come.
The family weekend finally came. We had not seen our daughter since June 1st and it was now Sept 3rd. We got there at 8:00 am and had a meeting with the administration to go over what was going to be happening over the next couple of days. Once that meeting was done we could go find our children. She looked so good. It was just incredible to see her again. Her father, sister and I all took turns hugging her. She showed us around campus and then we found a spot by the water to just sit and talk.
About 11:00, we went to an activity and then we had our first family counseling session. Again, one of the first things she had to do when she got to this program was to write a guilt letter. This time she had only been home two months before heading off to another program, so I did not feel there was much that could have happened. I was wrong. I did not realize how much could be done in sixty days. She had told us how she partied, smoked pot and how she only passed out five or six times. We talked about the letter when she was done. I told her how unhappy I was about her drinking to the point of pass out stage. She thought she had done really well. She only passed out five or six times. It was way less than before she was sent to Elan. She was proud of herself. She couldn't understand why I was not happy about it. Needless to say, we did not end up working this out at this meeting. We talked about her progress since she had come to Ironwood and then we went off to have lunch.
After lunch, we had a couple more activities and then a recap meeting with all of the families together. The staff asked how everyone thought the day went and then they told us what to expect for the next day. It was time to say good-bye. I was not feeling good about the day. I felt maybe it might be a good idea if I do not come tomorrow. I did not want there to be a whole lot of tension between all of us. My daughter evidently picked up on that or maybe she is more like me than I thought. We were saying our good-byes and she looked right at me and said she did not want me to come back tomorrow. I did not say anything. She said if her Dad and sister wanted to come back they could, but she did not want me there. Her Dad piped up and said, '"Your mother will be here tomorrow". She stood there for a moment and then we all got in the car and brought her back to her cabin.
Again, we said our good-byes. She looked at me and asked if we could talk. I said sure, so we went for a walk. She asked me why I could not be happy about the drinking. She said this place was not going to change anything. She was going to drink and smoke and I would just have to get used to it. It was her life. I told her, I saw these footprints in the ground made by her father. I told her I saw her stepping into each one of them and I did not want that for her. We both started to cry I told her, I felt it was our fault. We gave her these genes and she had to live with them. I told her I saw this pattern that went from her great grandmother, down to her grandfather, down to her father and now to her. I told her how sorry I was to do that to her. I told her I only wanted her to have a better life than they did. I did not want that kind of life for her. She said she did not realize that was why I had done what I had done with the programs. We cried and hugged for a while. She said she understood and we promised each other we would try harder and to always talk to each other. I told her she could trust me with anything. I told her I would always be there for her no matter what.
I again wrote letters. Although she did not write back, within a month I had my first contact with her. With this program, I could Skype with her. It was great to be able to see her every week. She would let me know what she was working on and how she felt things were going. At the end of the second month, she asked me if she could be moved to another school. She said Ironwood was not going to do anything for her. She knew what she had to do as she had been through it before at Elan. I asked her what she wanted to do. She said some of the kids from Elan and her coach from Elan were all at Hyde School and she wanted to go there. I told her I would think about it and let her know the next week when we talked. She was not happy with me.
I spoke to my daughter's counselor and the administration of the program. I spoke to one of my daughter's former counselors and my Mom. Ironwood said my daughter was at the second level of the program and if I took her out even for a day, she would not be able to come back. They told me she needed to make it to the third level in order to leave campus . Being at the third level of this program allowed more privileges. I spoke to the administration at Hyde and they told me she had to go through an interview process, before she could be accepted.
At our next Skype meeting, I told her if she could make it to the third level by the end of the next month, I would make an appointment with Hyde. I explained to her about how she could not leave campus while she was at level 2. She said she would work hard to get to level 3. We then talked about how there was a family weekend coming up the next weekend. We were headed up Saturday and Sunday. She told me about the different activities going on and we both got excited for the weekend to come.
The family weekend finally came. We had not seen our daughter since June 1st and it was now Sept 3rd. We got there at 8:00 am and had a meeting with the administration to go over what was going to be happening over the next couple of days. Once that meeting was done we could go find our children. She looked so good. It was just incredible to see her again. Her father, sister and I all took turns hugging her. She showed us around campus and then we found a spot by the water to just sit and talk.
About 11:00, we went to an activity and then we had our first family counseling session. Again, one of the first things she had to do when she got to this program was to write a guilt letter. This time she had only been home two months before heading off to another program, so I did not feel there was much that could have happened. I was wrong. I did not realize how much could be done in sixty days. She had told us how she partied, smoked pot and how she only passed out five or six times. We talked about the letter when she was done. I told her how unhappy I was about her drinking to the point of pass out stage. She thought she had done really well. She only passed out five or six times. It was way less than before she was sent to Elan. She was proud of herself. She couldn't understand why I was not happy about it. Needless to say, we did not end up working this out at this meeting. We talked about her progress since she had come to Ironwood and then we went off to have lunch.
After lunch, we had a couple more activities and then a recap meeting with all of the families together. The staff asked how everyone thought the day went and then they told us what to expect for the next day. It was time to say good-bye. I was not feeling good about the day. I felt maybe it might be a good idea if I do not come tomorrow. I did not want there to be a whole lot of tension between all of us. My daughter evidently picked up on that or maybe she is more like me than I thought. We were saying our good-byes and she looked right at me and said she did not want me to come back tomorrow. I did not say anything. She said if her Dad and sister wanted to come back they could, but she did not want me there. Her Dad piped up and said, '"Your mother will be here tomorrow". She stood there for a moment and then we all got in the car and brought her back to her cabin.
Again, we said our good-byes. She looked at me and asked if we could talk. I said sure, so we went for a walk. She asked me why I could not be happy about the drinking. She said this place was not going to change anything. She was going to drink and smoke and I would just have to get used to it. It was her life. I told her, I saw these footprints in the ground made by her father. I told her I saw her stepping into each one of them and I did not want that for her. We both started to cry I told her, I felt it was our fault. We gave her these genes and she had to live with them. I told her I saw this pattern that went from her great grandmother, down to her grandfather, down to her father and now to her. I told her how sorry I was to do that to her. I told her I only wanted her to have a better life than they did. I did not want that kind of life for her. She said she did not realize that was why I had done what I had done with the programs. We cried and hugged for a while. She said she understood and we promised each other we would try harder and to always talk to each other. I told her she could trust me with anything. I told her I would always be there for her no matter what.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
# 13 Turn of Events
Shortly after our weekend visit I got news Elan was closing and I had two weeks to find other arrangements. I was fortunate as I had been thinking about the depleting student population and had already started making arrangements to move my daughter into another program. There was one obstacle and that was her father. He had been furious with me about putting our daughter into a program. He decided it was her decision as to whether she went into another program or came home. When he and I went to pick her up on her last day at Elan he told me I was the worst excuse for a parent and she wasn't going to go to another program. He said he would make sure of it. We still went to see the new school and she liked it, but she said no.
She came home and lived with me and her sister. I really believe she tried to stay away from her old life, but it didn't last long. Her counselor had told us the day we picked her up that she would be out of control within a month. She was wrong, it took two months. The last straw was Memorial Day weekend. She was going to stay at a friends house and I found out she never intended on being with that friend. She partied instead. Her father grounded her and took her phone away. When he wasn't looking she ran off. We got the police involved and within 24 hours she showed up at my house. Her father decided she needed another program.
We left on Memorial Day within two hours of her being home. We were both afraid she would run and we would never see her again, so we spent the night at my sister's house. We took turns staying up to make sure our daughter wouldn't try to run. As it turns out the new school was not prepared to take our daughter on Tuesday. We had to wait one more day. It had to be excruciating for her to have to wait one more day. I know she felt like a caged animal and she told me in no uncertain terms that she wasn't going to change. She had told me she hadn't changed while being at Elan and she wouldn't change while being at ASR. She was going to drink, smoke pot and do whatever she wanted, no matter what I did or said.
My sister and I ended up bringing her to ASR on Wednesday morning. I filled out paperwork and my daughter went through her intake and tour of the school. It was time to say goodbye and at least this time she wasn't swinging. She gave her Aunt a hug and turned to me and said "Bye". She turned and walked away. I was relieved, once again, as I knew she was in a safe place. This program was going to take over where Elan left off. She would probably graduate the program within a year. I was very optimistic she would accept the program and work as hard as she did while she was at Elan.
The first two weeks of the program you get acclimated to your surroundings and the program itself. We talked to her counselor and she seemed to be doing what she was supposed to be doing. The two weeks were finally up and she was integrated into the rest of the program. I was hoping to talk to her at that point, but knew she wasn't ready to talk to me. I had written a couple of letters and was just taking it day by day. She did write to her sister and that made me feel good. I am glad she realized her sister had nothing to do with any of this. She is only angry with her Dad and I, so I thought.
A couple of weeks later I received a call from her counselor saying she had caused some trouble and the director had requested a critical case committee and we needed to be on a conference call that afternoon. The call was at 2:00 pm and it was not good. She had caused some trouble that morning and the staff redirected her. She did not like being redirected, so she took it out on a bathroom. They said if anything else happened in the next 24 hours we were going to have to move her into another program. As I said earlier this program is the next step or phase in her treatment. The kids in this program want to continue to work on themselves. It seems she is angrier than I thought. Things did end up settling down. Another week went by and she was doing what she was supposed to do. She just had to get the anger , for being sent away, out of her system.
I did finally receive a call from her and her counselor. She wanted to discuss something with me. She started out saying she wanted to go to another school. She felt ASR was going to make her worse than when she got there and wanted to go to a boarding school. She didn't want to come home, but a school like Hyde would be OK. I told her I couldn't make a decision like that over the phone. It was something I would have to think about and talk to her father about. That evidently did not sit well with her as she wouldn't continue the conversation. Her counselor said he wanted to talk to her and then he would call me back. He did call back and said we should find another program for her. He said she is still very angry and does not want to give this program chance. She needed a program that had more structure. I was again on the hunt. This all came about on Thursday night of the July 4th weekend. He said if we could move her over the weekend that would be great. I was in frantic mode to find another place and a way to get her there. I knew this time, I could not bring her myself as she would definitely run. I had to get a transportation service to bring her. Her former counselor from Elan suggested Ironwood in Maine. I made all the arrangements and she was picked up on Tuesday, July 5th.
She had no idea she was leaving and heading to another program. The transportation team arrived at 7:00 am to pick her up. She was not happy, but she did not give anyone any trouble. The people that picked her up said she was talkative and very respectful. She arrived at Ironwood at 1:00 or thereabouts. This program was a lot like Elan in that she started at the bottom and had to work her way up to having any privileges. They said she was only sent with two changes of clothes and could I please get some to them soon. They also said the clothes she did have were not acceptable for their program. They had a specific list of clothes and none of the clothes she had were on the list of acceptable clothing. The clothing for ASR was tan pants or capris', with collared shirts. Ironwood were jeans that went above the hip, t-shirts and sweatshirts. Shirts and sweatshirts were to be white or grey and loose fitting. So off to the store I went.
This all may have been very difficult, but I want to let everyone know; it would not have been possible without my Mom. I am so grateful every day for my Mom. She made it possible for my daughter to go to these programs and even went shopping with me to get the new clothes. She is an amazing woman and I am so lucky she believed in what I was doing.
She came home and lived with me and her sister. I really believe she tried to stay away from her old life, but it didn't last long. Her counselor had told us the day we picked her up that she would be out of control within a month. She was wrong, it took two months. The last straw was Memorial Day weekend. She was going to stay at a friends house and I found out she never intended on being with that friend. She partied instead. Her father grounded her and took her phone away. When he wasn't looking she ran off. We got the police involved and within 24 hours she showed up at my house. Her father decided she needed another program.
We left on Memorial Day within two hours of her being home. We were both afraid she would run and we would never see her again, so we spent the night at my sister's house. We took turns staying up to make sure our daughter wouldn't try to run. As it turns out the new school was not prepared to take our daughter on Tuesday. We had to wait one more day. It had to be excruciating for her to have to wait one more day. I know she felt like a caged animal and she told me in no uncertain terms that she wasn't going to change. She had told me she hadn't changed while being at Elan and she wouldn't change while being at ASR. She was going to drink, smoke pot and do whatever she wanted, no matter what I did or said.
My sister and I ended up bringing her to ASR on Wednesday morning. I filled out paperwork and my daughter went through her intake and tour of the school. It was time to say goodbye and at least this time she wasn't swinging. She gave her Aunt a hug and turned to me and said "Bye". She turned and walked away. I was relieved, once again, as I knew she was in a safe place. This program was going to take over where Elan left off. She would probably graduate the program within a year. I was very optimistic she would accept the program and work as hard as she did while she was at Elan.
The first two weeks of the program you get acclimated to your surroundings and the program itself. We talked to her counselor and she seemed to be doing what she was supposed to be doing. The two weeks were finally up and she was integrated into the rest of the program. I was hoping to talk to her at that point, but knew she wasn't ready to talk to me. I had written a couple of letters and was just taking it day by day. She did write to her sister and that made me feel good. I am glad she realized her sister had nothing to do with any of this. She is only angry with her Dad and I, so I thought.
A couple of weeks later I received a call from her counselor saying she had caused some trouble and the director had requested a critical case committee and we needed to be on a conference call that afternoon. The call was at 2:00 pm and it was not good. She had caused some trouble that morning and the staff redirected her. She did not like being redirected, so she took it out on a bathroom. They said if anything else happened in the next 24 hours we were going to have to move her into another program. As I said earlier this program is the next step or phase in her treatment. The kids in this program want to continue to work on themselves. It seems she is angrier than I thought. Things did end up settling down. Another week went by and she was doing what she was supposed to do. She just had to get the anger , for being sent away, out of her system.
I did finally receive a call from her and her counselor. She wanted to discuss something with me. She started out saying she wanted to go to another school. She felt ASR was going to make her worse than when she got there and wanted to go to a boarding school. She didn't want to come home, but a school like Hyde would be OK. I told her I couldn't make a decision like that over the phone. It was something I would have to think about and talk to her father about. That evidently did not sit well with her as she wouldn't continue the conversation. Her counselor said he wanted to talk to her and then he would call me back. He did call back and said we should find another program for her. He said she is still very angry and does not want to give this program chance. She needed a program that had more structure. I was again on the hunt. This all came about on Thursday night of the July 4th weekend. He said if we could move her over the weekend that would be great. I was in frantic mode to find another place and a way to get her there. I knew this time, I could not bring her myself as she would definitely run. I had to get a transportation service to bring her. Her former counselor from Elan suggested Ironwood in Maine. I made all the arrangements and she was picked up on Tuesday, July 5th.
She had no idea she was leaving and heading to another program. The transportation team arrived at 7:00 am to pick her up. She was not happy, but she did not give anyone any trouble. The people that picked her up said she was talkative and very respectful. She arrived at Ironwood at 1:00 or thereabouts. This program was a lot like Elan in that she started at the bottom and had to work her way up to having any privileges. They said she was only sent with two changes of clothes and could I please get some to them soon. They also said the clothes she did have were not acceptable for their program. They had a specific list of clothes and none of the clothes she had were on the list of acceptable clothing. The clothing for ASR was tan pants or capris', with collared shirts. Ironwood were jeans that went above the hip, t-shirts and sweatshirts. Shirts and sweatshirts were to be white or grey and loose fitting. So off to the store I went.
This all may have been very difficult, but I want to let everyone know; it would not have been possible without my Mom. I am so grateful every day for my Mom. She made it possible for my daughter to go to these programs and even went shopping with me to get the new clothes. She is an amazing woman and I am so lucky she believed in what I was doing.
# 12 I was stalked
I stopped writing as things became complicated and I did not know how to continue. So many things happened in a short amount of time and it was tough to keep it all straight. I have struggled with whether to continue or not as I do not want to say anything that would hurt my daughter. I just feel, I started this and I should finish it. My only intention to this story is to try and help other parents who have had to make or are trying to make this kind of decision for their child. I still feel, I was in a life or death situation and if I did not do something quick, I was going to lose my daughter forever.
At the end of 2010, I was asked by the administrator of Elan if I would be willing to talk to perspective parents. People who were considering Elan as an alternative for their child. I said sure. I was happy with my daughter's progress and would like to let other parents know things were going well.
By January 2011, I had not had any calls from perspective parents so I contacted the administrator and let her know that I had written this blog. I told her I was not sure it was appropriate, but if she wanted to pass the link on to other parents to read she could. She read the blog and asked if she could put a link on their website. I said sure. I will do anything I can to help another family.
It only took one week before I received my first email from a guy who called himself Jeff Wimbelton. He said I needed to get my child out of Elan as soon as I could. He said they were brainwashing my child's mind. He and I exchanged several lengthy emails over the next two weeks. He would tell me about how the kids were made to do certain things and I would come back with my insight on how I saw things. He finally got to me and had me so scared I called my brother in NH. I told him what was happening and asked if I could come talk to him. I was in tears. I sent my brother all the correspondence and my younger daughter and I hopped in the car and went to NH. I had asked my brother if one of his kids could keep my daughter busy while we talked. I did not want to scare her and have her worrying about me.
We reached NH. My daughter went to hang out with my niece and nephew and I sat at the kitchen table with my brother and sister. His first question was "How do you think your daughter is doing". I said I felt she was doing great. He said I would know if she had been brainwashed and asked if I thought she had. I said no and I really felt she was doing well. She wrote great letters asking my advice and telling me what was going on there. I felt we had a great relationship. She told me how she was struggling with things and I would send her letters trying to show her a different way to look at the different situations. She would write back and tell me how much she felt I was helping her and I would tell her how wonderful I felt she was doing. My brother said he did not feel she was being brainwashed and this Jeff guy had no idea what he was talking about. I was so relieved.
When I got home the next day, I decided to contact my daughters' counselor and ask to meet her off campus. I told her I needed to talk to her mother to mother. I really liked my daughters' counselor and I felt she had been honest with me. I still had things stuck in my mind that Jeff had told me in his emails and I needed to hear if those things were still happening. I told Jeff I was going to meet her and he thought I was crazy and I believe that is the last email we shared.
I met with my daughter's counselor and I told her about the emails. I told her I was worried about the fact that there were only five girls left in the program and soon my daughter could be the only girl amongst 30 boys. She assured me things were good and they had a few more girls starting within the next month. She couldn't believe someone had gone to all that trouble to chase after me, when I was clearly ok with how my daughter was doing. We said our good-byes and I headed home.
At the end of 2010, I was asked by the administrator of Elan if I would be willing to talk to perspective parents. People who were considering Elan as an alternative for their child. I said sure. I was happy with my daughter's progress and would like to let other parents know things were going well.
By January 2011, I had not had any calls from perspective parents so I contacted the administrator and let her know that I had written this blog. I told her I was not sure it was appropriate, but if she wanted to pass the link on to other parents to read she could. She read the blog and asked if she could put a link on their website. I said sure. I will do anything I can to help another family.
It only took one week before I received my first email from a guy who called himself Jeff Wimbelton. He said I needed to get my child out of Elan as soon as I could. He said they were brainwashing my child's mind. He and I exchanged several lengthy emails over the next two weeks. He would tell me about how the kids were made to do certain things and I would come back with my insight on how I saw things. He finally got to me and had me so scared I called my brother in NH. I told him what was happening and asked if I could come talk to him. I was in tears. I sent my brother all the correspondence and my younger daughter and I hopped in the car and went to NH. I had asked my brother if one of his kids could keep my daughter busy while we talked. I did not want to scare her and have her worrying about me.
We reached NH. My daughter went to hang out with my niece and nephew and I sat at the kitchen table with my brother and sister. His first question was "How do you think your daughter is doing". I said I felt she was doing great. He said I would know if she had been brainwashed and asked if I thought she had. I said no and I really felt she was doing well. She wrote great letters asking my advice and telling me what was going on there. I felt we had a great relationship. She told me how she was struggling with things and I would send her letters trying to show her a different way to look at the different situations. She would write back and tell me how much she felt I was helping her and I would tell her how wonderful I felt she was doing. My brother said he did not feel she was being brainwashed and this Jeff guy had no idea what he was talking about. I was so relieved.
When I got home the next day, I decided to contact my daughters' counselor and ask to meet her off campus. I told her I needed to talk to her mother to mother. I really liked my daughters' counselor and I felt she had been honest with me. I still had things stuck in my mind that Jeff had told me in his emails and I needed to hear if those things were still happening. I told Jeff I was going to meet her and he thought I was crazy and I believe that is the last email we shared.
I met with my daughter's counselor and I told her about the emails. I told her I was worried about the fact that there were only five girls left in the program and soon my daughter could be the only girl amongst 30 boys. She assured me things were good and they had a few more girls starting within the next month. She couldn't believe someone had gone to all that trouble to chase after me, when I was clearly ok with how my daughter was doing. We said our good-byes and I headed home.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
# 11 Weekend Visit
Things have been fairly quiet for a couple of months. My daughter has been working very hard and she has been excelling. She now has mostly good days and she is really starting to feel good about the person she is. With Spring right on our doorstep, she is starting to train for Track. She is very excited for her first meet. She is going to run sprints and hurdles. She wants to make it to the state championships. I believe she is going to do it.
A few weeks ago my younger daughter and I spent the morning of my birthday with my older daughter and her big sister's. They made me a cake and I brought doughnuts and hot chocolate. Teenage girls can be so funny. They danced to music, told us funny stories about different things they have done to each other and sang happy birthday to me. We had a lot of fun together. It was a great birthday. A couple of weeks after my birthday the school was selling whoopie pies at a fishing derby on the lake they are close to. Their chef was making close to 100 whoopie pies for the derby and my daughter asked if I would also bake some for them to sell. I made about 50 whoopie pies and brought them over to the school the night before the fishing derby. Staff and students all thanked me for helping them out. They ended up selling all of the whoopie pies and the coach and I talked about selling stuff at sporting events. I told him I would be more than happy to help out any way I could.
Next, is our weekend visit and it was wonderful. We went to pick her and one of her big sister's up on Friday morning. It was such an exciting feeling. We got there about 10:00 am. I met with her counselor for a chat and then we met up with my daughter. We had a short conference to go over what we might expect over the weekend. We discussed how we might get on each other's nerves and how we should handle it. As anxious and excited as I was for this weekend, I was also scared. We already had one visit that did not end well and I didn't want that to happen again. Her counselor made sure we all knew if one of us was feeling stressed and wanted time to ourselves it was OK and to respect each other's privacy. I am glad we had that discussion. I know it helped me to relax and I believe it helped my daughter's. We were headed to my Mom's place in NH. She was away for a few days and said we could stay the weekend. It was perfect.
We left her school somewhere around 11:00 and headed for the grocery store. A few weeks earlier my daughter sent me a list of the things she wanted us to cook together. She loves to cook and both of my daughter's are great cooks. We went through the grocery store and picked up all the items for our smorgasbord. We were all very excited to get to NH and get settled. We arrived late afternoon and got unpacked. We started cooking within the hour. We made Chicken Parmesan and a chocolate cake from scratch. It was so much fun. We ate dinner and sat at the table for more than an hour telling stories about the younger years. My older daughter was laughing so much that her cheeks hurt. She would make these funny faces while trying to massage her cheeks and it made us all laugh even more. We finally quieted down and decided to clean up after dinner. We headed to the living room and my daughter's played Mario Kart for a while and then settled into a TV program. We headed to bed about midnight and I think we all slept very well.
The next morning my younger daughter and I were the first to arise. My older daughter loves Sour Cream Coffee Cake, so my younger daughter and I set out to make it. After breakfast and showers we decided to go off for the day. I showed my daughter's one of the houses we lived in when they were little and then we headed over to the Mall of NH. We spent a good part of the day there looking at clothes and people watching. We had a really good day. My daughter did get quiet with her thoughts on the way home. I know she was trying to sort through and compare her life now with the lives of other kids her age. When we got home she and her big sister went for a run so they could talk while I cooked dinner. The girls' got back just as dinner was ready to be served and we all sat down to eat and talk about the days events. We had good food and good conversation. We all cleaned up the dinner dishes and headed off to the living room to watch some TV.
At one point I went into the kitchen to get something to drink. My daughter came in and we sat down to talk. She wanted me to know that her bad attitude had changed but she still planned on drinking when she graduated the program. She told me she liked how alcohol made her feel as well as the taste of it. I asked her if there was something else in her life that she could do to get the same good feeling. She said nothing could make her feel as good as alcohol could. She didn't want to even consider anything other than drinking. She is worried she will not be able to enjoy life unless she can drink and get that feeling. It is a real concern of hers and I understand. I am hoping with time, counseling and maturity she will see things differently. It is all work in progress and I feel she is in the right place to get that help. We really had a good conversation and although we both feel differently about things, we both understand and respect each other.
As the night wore on she and I ended up being the only ones up watching TV. We watched Behind the Music with Nelle and we both thought it was a good segment. When the show was over we decided to say goodnight. We hugged and said I love you to each other. She went into the bathroom to clean up and brush her teeth. When she came out we said goodnight and hugged again. She went into her room and I headed into the bathroom to get cleaned up. When I came out of the bathroom she was sitting on the couch. She said Hi and before I could say or do anything, she was crying. I knelt down and just hugged her. I sat down beside her and she told me all of her fears. She was afraid of what the future had in store for her. She talked about her desire to continue drinking and I told her how scared i was for her if she continued down that path. I told her how what she did affected other people. It wasn't just about what she wanted, it was also about how it would affect the people she loved. She talked about how she still felt embarrassed at how she treated her younger sister and I in the past. I reminded her that we forgave her long ago and it was time for her to forgive herself. It was part of our past and not our future. I told her how proud I was of her accomplishments over the last year and we talked about the upcoming Track season. We talked for an hour or more and we both felt really good when we finally said goodnight for the evening.
The next morning the kids played Mario Kart for a while and then we all started to clean and get our stuff together for the trip home. I was a little nervous that we might get sad and have a hard time saying goodbye after such a good weekend together, but it all went very well. We headed for home about 1:00 pm and stopped to have a good dinner when we got back into town. We then drove back to school and we helped bring all their stuff back into the house. We stayed and talked for 15 or 20 minutes and then we hugged and said our goodbyes. No tears or sadness in our goodbyes this time. We told her that we would talk to her soon and to have a good week. We went out to the car and headed home. It was a great weekend and I am looking forward to more meaningful memories with my children.
A few weeks ago my younger daughter and I spent the morning of my birthday with my older daughter and her big sister's. They made me a cake and I brought doughnuts and hot chocolate. Teenage girls can be so funny. They danced to music, told us funny stories about different things they have done to each other and sang happy birthday to me. We had a lot of fun together. It was a great birthday. A couple of weeks after my birthday the school was selling whoopie pies at a fishing derby on the lake they are close to. Their chef was making close to 100 whoopie pies for the derby and my daughter asked if I would also bake some for them to sell. I made about 50 whoopie pies and brought them over to the school the night before the fishing derby. Staff and students all thanked me for helping them out. They ended up selling all of the whoopie pies and the coach and I talked about selling stuff at sporting events. I told him I would be more than happy to help out any way I could.
Next, is our weekend visit and it was wonderful. We went to pick her and one of her big sister's up on Friday morning. It was such an exciting feeling. We got there about 10:00 am. I met with her counselor for a chat and then we met up with my daughter. We had a short conference to go over what we might expect over the weekend. We discussed how we might get on each other's nerves and how we should handle it. As anxious and excited as I was for this weekend, I was also scared. We already had one visit that did not end well and I didn't want that to happen again. Her counselor made sure we all knew if one of us was feeling stressed and wanted time to ourselves it was OK and to respect each other's privacy. I am glad we had that discussion. I know it helped me to relax and I believe it helped my daughter's. We were headed to my Mom's place in NH. She was away for a few days and said we could stay the weekend. It was perfect.
We left her school somewhere around 11:00 and headed for the grocery store. A few weeks earlier my daughter sent me a list of the things she wanted us to cook together. She loves to cook and both of my daughter's are great cooks. We went through the grocery store and picked up all the items for our smorgasbord. We were all very excited to get to NH and get settled. We arrived late afternoon and got unpacked. We started cooking within the hour. We made Chicken Parmesan and a chocolate cake from scratch. It was so much fun. We ate dinner and sat at the table for more than an hour telling stories about the younger years. My older daughter was laughing so much that her cheeks hurt. She would make these funny faces while trying to massage her cheeks and it made us all laugh even more. We finally quieted down and decided to clean up after dinner. We headed to the living room and my daughter's played Mario Kart for a while and then settled into a TV program. We headed to bed about midnight and I think we all slept very well.
The next morning my younger daughter and I were the first to arise. My older daughter loves Sour Cream Coffee Cake, so my younger daughter and I set out to make it. After breakfast and showers we decided to go off for the day. I showed my daughter's one of the houses we lived in when they were little and then we headed over to the Mall of NH. We spent a good part of the day there looking at clothes and people watching. We had a really good day. My daughter did get quiet with her thoughts on the way home. I know she was trying to sort through and compare her life now with the lives of other kids her age. When we got home she and her big sister went for a run so they could talk while I cooked dinner. The girls' got back just as dinner was ready to be served and we all sat down to eat and talk about the days events. We had good food and good conversation. We all cleaned up the dinner dishes and headed off to the living room to watch some TV.
At one point I went into the kitchen to get something to drink. My daughter came in and we sat down to talk. She wanted me to know that her bad attitude had changed but she still planned on drinking when she graduated the program. She told me she liked how alcohol made her feel as well as the taste of it. I asked her if there was something else in her life that she could do to get the same good feeling. She said nothing could make her feel as good as alcohol could. She didn't want to even consider anything other than drinking. She is worried she will not be able to enjoy life unless she can drink and get that feeling. It is a real concern of hers and I understand. I am hoping with time, counseling and maturity she will see things differently. It is all work in progress and I feel she is in the right place to get that help. We really had a good conversation and although we both feel differently about things, we both understand and respect each other.
As the night wore on she and I ended up being the only ones up watching TV. We watched Behind the Music with Nelle and we both thought it was a good segment. When the show was over we decided to say goodnight. We hugged and said I love you to each other. She went into the bathroom to clean up and brush her teeth. When she came out we said goodnight and hugged again. She went into her room and I headed into the bathroom to get cleaned up. When I came out of the bathroom she was sitting on the couch. She said Hi and before I could say or do anything, she was crying. I knelt down and just hugged her. I sat down beside her and she told me all of her fears. She was afraid of what the future had in store for her. She talked about her desire to continue drinking and I told her how scared i was for her if she continued down that path. I told her how what she did affected other people. It wasn't just about what she wanted, it was also about how it would affect the people she loved. She talked about how she still felt embarrassed at how she treated her younger sister and I in the past. I reminded her that we forgave her long ago and it was time for her to forgive herself. It was part of our past and not our future. I told her how proud I was of her accomplishments over the last year and we talked about the upcoming Track season. We talked for an hour or more and we both felt really good when we finally said goodnight for the evening.
The next morning the kids played Mario Kart for a while and then we all started to clean and get our stuff together for the trip home. I was a little nervous that we might get sad and have a hard time saying goodbye after such a good weekend together, but it all went very well. We headed for home about 1:00 pm and stopped to have a good dinner when we got back into town. We then drove back to school and we helped bring all their stuff back into the house. We stayed and talked for 15 or 20 minutes and then we hugged and said our goodbyes. No tears or sadness in our goodbyes this time. We told her that we would talk to her soon and to have a good week. We went out to the car and headed home. It was a great weekend and I am looking forward to more meaningful memories with my children.
Monday, December 27, 2010
# 10 Christmas Celebration
What a spectacular day! My younger daughter and I reached the campus about 8:45 am. We went into the office to sign in and get our name badges. We waited there a few minutes, with other families, to be escorted to the house. The 'house' is a term used by the school. It is a general meeting building. The students spend a good part of their day in and around the house. As we entered the house we could hear the students clapping and cheering us on. It added to all the excitement we all felt to see our children. My daughter just about ran me down. We held onto each other for quite sometime. Then my two daughters hugged and cried together. We hugged and said hello to my daughter's big sisters as well. It was a wonderful welcome.
We sat and talked with the girls' and their families for quite sometime. The girls' told us stories of what was happening with them and we told them what was happening with us. We had a lot of laughs. It came time for presents. We brought presents from the whole family and she was thrilled with everything. After gifts were opened there was one more gift up on stage. It was covered by a sheet. This gift is for all of the students and it is from their science teacher. He was sick and could not attend the festivities. One of the students and the athletic coach stood up and read his letter. The story was told of a man that goes way beyond the expectations of a science teacher. We were told how he would be at the house during the day and would spend time talking and helping out all of the kids. By the time the letter was done being read there wasn't a dry eye among the staff or students. I have to say that I feel all the staff plays the same type of role with all the students. I couldn't have picked a better place for my daughter to get help.
The gift was unveiled and it was a 54" Flat Screen TV and a beautiful wooden base that he had someone make for the TV. It was an incredible present. We were told how he continually invested in the school to help make things better for the students and staff. Two of the students had put together a slide show of this teacher and showed it on the new TV. It was an awesome presentation. When all was said and done my daughter's and I decided to play Rummikub a gift my daughter received from Santa. One of my daughter's classmates was watching as we started to play. We asked him to join in the fun. I didn't realize how difficult it was to try and explain all the different ways to place your tiles. My youngest daughter won and I lost. I had the most points at the end of the game. After the game was over we had appetizers. The food was very good and never ending. The whole day was just great.
My daughter and I did spend some time talking about some of her issues. I realized over the last few months that there are a lot more things to deal with than just drugs and alcohol. They are only part of what is going on in her life. She has a lot of things to overcome before she can feel she can be happy without drugs or alcohol. Right now she can't believe by just talking about her issues that she is going to be able to live without alcohol when she graduates. I feel for her insecurities and wish I had the magic words that made everything click. She is still in the beginning stages of her rehabilitation though. I firmly believe the program and the people I have entrusted with my daughter's future is the best decision I ever made. I just feel extremely thankful that she wants to discuss these issues with me. A year ago she would walk away every time I tried to say anything. She now brings things up and looks to me for my care and concern for how she is feeling and what she is going through.
It now came time to say our goodbyes. This is the part none of us like, but my daughter is planning on bringing up for another off-campus visit in the next couple of weeks. Knowing that we are going to see her within the next month makes saying goodbye a little easier. We also know in the next few months, she will be starting track, so we will see her more often. We have things to look forward to now and that makes everything a lot easier. After taking a few more pictures and saying goodbye to my daughter's big sisters, it was time to give one last hug and kiss. It was difficult on all of us, but it was also wonderful to have that time with her. I couldn't ask for a better day.
We sat and talked with the girls' and their families for quite sometime. The girls' told us stories of what was happening with them and we told them what was happening with us. We had a lot of laughs. It came time for presents. We brought presents from the whole family and she was thrilled with everything. After gifts were opened there was one more gift up on stage. It was covered by a sheet. This gift is for all of the students and it is from their science teacher. He was sick and could not attend the festivities. One of the students and the athletic coach stood up and read his letter. The story was told of a man that goes way beyond the expectations of a science teacher. We were told how he would be at the house during the day and would spend time talking and helping out all of the kids. By the time the letter was done being read there wasn't a dry eye among the staff or students. I have to say that I feel all the staff plays the same type of role with all the students. I couldn't have picked a better place for my daughter to get help.
The gift was unveiled and it was a 54" Flat Screen TV and a beautiful wooden base that he had someone make for the TV. It was an incredible present. We were told how he continually invested in the school to help make things better for the students and staff. Two of the students had put together a slide show of this teacher and showed it on the new TV. It was an awesome presentation. When all was said and done my daughter's and I decided to play Rummikub a gift my daughter received from Santa. One of my daughter's classmates was watching as we started to play. We asked him to join in the fun. I didn't realize how difficult it was to try and explain all the different ways to place your tiles. My youngest daughter won and I lost. I had the most points at the end of the game. After the game was over we had appetizers. The food was very good and never ending. The whole day was just great.
My daughter and I did spend some time talking about some of her issues. I realized over the last few months that there are a lot more things to deal with than just drugs and alcohol. They are only part of what is going on in her life. She has a lot of things to overcome before she can feel she can be happy without drugs or alcohol. Right now she can't believe by just talking about her issues that she is going to be able to live without alcohol when she graduates. I feel for her insecurities and wish I had the magic words that made everything click. She is still in the beginning stages of her rehabilitation though. I firmly believe the program and the people I have entrusted with my daughter's future is the best decision I ever made. I just feel extremely thankful that she wants to discuss these issues with me. A year ago she would walk away every time I tried to say anything. She now brings things up and looks to me for my care and concern for how she is feeling and what she is going through.
It now came time to say our goodbyes. This is the part none of us like, but my daughter is planning on bringing up for another off-campus visit in the next couple of weeks. Knowing that we are going to see her within the next month makes saying goodbye a little easier. We also know in the next few months, she will be starting track, so we will see her more often. We have things to look forward to now and that makes everything a lot easier. After taking a few more pictures and saying goodbye to my daughter's big sisters, it was time to give one last hug and kiss. It was difficult on all of us, but it was also wonderful to have that time with her. I couldn't ask for a better day.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
# 9 Road to Recovery
I am a person that lets things roll off my back. I do not stay sad or angry for any real length of time. This was the one time that I just could not get past how horrible I felt. I felt extremely horrible for three days and then it subsided to just horrible for another week. My younger daughter cried every day for two weeks. I felt so bad for her. It was the first time she had seen her sister in five months and it ended on such a bad note. I felt like I had betrayed both of my children and I just didn't have the words or actions to make it all better.
When I left my older daughter with her counselor, things did not go well. She gave her counselor a tough time and ended up getting demoted for her actions. It took her almost a full month to crawl back out of her hole. Her counselors asked me to come in and meet with her after about three weeks. They wanted me to face her and let her know that she needed to stay and graduate from the program. I was to tell her that she would not be coming home any earlier. I met with her and although it was tough at first, everything went well and she accepted the fact that she was going to stay until she graduated the program. I gave her a big hug and told her I loved her and how proud I was of her. She told me she loved me and apologized for being so angry with me. We said our goodbyes once again.
She worked to get her job back as well as getting back on the Cross Country team. She was once again happy and headed in a forward direction. She ran in a few meets and did well. She kept saying she could do better and I tried to remind her that this was the first time she had ever run Cross Country. She was doing great and to keep her head up. It was now the end of the Cross Country season and there were only two more meets to go. My younger daughter and I were asked to go to both meets. The first one was on a Saturday. It was a cold day, but it did not matter, we were there to cheer her on and enjoy the time we had with her. She ran the race and came in 6th out of 12 girls for a 3 mile run. She did great and I was so happy for her. We then went to have lunch with the team. We spent the next hour or so laughing, eating and telling stories. It was a great day.
The last meet was the championships and there were six teams competing. My younger daughter and I met up with the team about 11:00 am. The races were not starting until 2:00, but her school was sponsoring the championships and had to be there early to set up the course. It was a comfortable fall day and everyone was excited for this race. A few of the other parents came to the meet as well, so I spent some time talking with them. It was nice to meet the other parents. We had a lot to talk about and they all felt the same as I did about the school and how much better their children were doing now. It also gave my daughters time to spend alone and talk. It came time for the races to begin. It was so exciting to be part of such an important time for my daughter. She was nervous, excited and anxious all at the same time. The students of our school were phenomenal. All three of our school's teams placed high in the ranking. The varsity team came home with the championship. It was an exhilarating event and my daughter placed 10th. All three girls placed in the top ten and won medals. I was so proud of all of them. They all pulled together and showed everyone what a team could do. After everything was picked up we headed out to go have dinner. It was a lot of fun to listen to the kids talk about the race and how they felt. Once again we had good food, good conversation and a fantastic day.
It is now getting close to the holidays and my daughter asked us to come to the Christmas celebration on Christmas Eve. Of course I said yes. It is going to be a fantastic day. In the meantime, she is doing extremely well in school and is on the honor roll. She has never been on the honor roll and had never had the inclination to even try to do this well with her schoolwork. She is also working towards the next level which is Department Head. She works very hard over the next couple of weeks. By the beginning of December she makes it to Department Head. She will be running the Communications Dept that she once worked in. She feels so good about herself and her accomplishments. I can hear it in her voice when we talk on the phone. I tell her I love her and how proud I am of her. We talk about the upcoming Christmas celebration and how excited we are to see each other. She asks me to tell her younger sister how excited she is to see her and that she loves her very much. I tell her I will and we say our goodbyes. I now remember what it felt like waiting for Santa to come. I look at her picture everyday and tell her how many more days until we see her.
I know it is going to be a little difficult, but if I didn't do what I did with her, we may not be having Christmas together this year. As hard as it was on our first off-campus visit together, I would much rather go through that again than not to have her in my life at all. We are going to weather a lot of storms, but now we are going to weather them together. We now have a future and I am so thankful and grateful.
When I left my older daughter with her counselor, things did not go well. She gave her counselor a tough time and ended up getting demoted for her actions. It took her almost a full month to crawl back out of her hole. Her counselors asked me to come in and meet with her after about three weeks. They wanted me to face her and let her know that she needed to stay and graduate from the program. I was to tell her that she would not be coming home any earlier. I met with her and although it was tough at first, everything went well and she accepted the fact that she was going to stay until she graduated the program. I gave her a big hug and told her I loved her and how proud I was of her. She told me she loved me and apologized for being so angry with me. We said our goodbyes once again.
She worked to get her job back as well as getting back on the Cross Country team. She was once again happy and headed in a forward direction. She ran in a few meets and did well. She kept saying she could do better and I tried to remind her that this was the first time she had ever run Cross Country. She was doing great and to keep her head up. It was now the end of the Cross Country season and there were only two more meets to go. My younger daughter and I were asked to go to both meets. The first one was on a Saturday. It was a cold day, but it did not matter, we were there to cheer her on and enjoy the time we had with her. She ran the race and came in 6th out of 12 girls for a 3 mile run. She did great and I was so happy for her. We then went to have lunch with the team. We spent the next hour or so laughing, eating and telling stories. It was a great day.
The last meet was the championships and there were six teams competing. My younger daughter and I met up with the team about 11:00 am. The races were not starting until 2:00, but her school was sponsoring the championships and had to be there early to set up the course. It was a comfortable fall day and everyone was excited for this race. A few of the other parents came to the meet as well, so I spent some time talking with them. It was nice to meet the other parents. We had a lot to talk about and they all felt the same as I did about the school and how much better their children were doing now. It also gave my daughters time to spend alone and talk. It came time for the races to begin. It was so exciting to be part of such an important time for my daughter. She was nervous, excited and anxious all at the same time. The students of our school were phenomenal. All three of our school's teams placed high in the ranking. The varsity team came home with the championship. It was an exhilarating event and my daughter placed 10th. All three girls placed in the top ten and won medals. I was so proud of all of them. They all pulled together and showed everyone what a team could do. After everything was picked up we headed out to go have dinner. It was a lot of fun to listen to the kids talk about the race and how they felt. Once again we had good food, good conversation and a fantastic day.
It is now getting close to the holidays and my daughter asked us to come to the Christmas celebration on Christmas Eve. Of course I said yes. It is going to be a fantastic day. In the meantime, she is doing extremely well in school and is on the honor roll. She has never been on the honor roll and had never had the inclination to even try to do this well with her schoolwork. She is also working towards the next level which is Department Head. She works very hard over the next couple of weeks. By the beginning of December she makes it to Department Head. She will be running the Communications Dept that she once worked in. She feels so good about herself and her accomplishments. I can hear it in her voice when we talk on the phone. I tell her I love her and how proud I am of her. We talk about the upcoming Christmas celebration and how excited we are to see each other. She asks me to tell her younger sister how excited she is to see her and that she loves her very much. I tell her I will and we say our goodbyes. I now remember what it felt like waiting for Santa to come. I look at her picture everyday and tell her how many more days until we see her.
I know it is going to be a little difficult, but if I didn't do what I did with her, we may not be having Christmas together this year. As hard as it was on our first off-campus visit together, I would much rather go through that again than not to have her in my life at all. We are going to weather a lot of storms, but now we are going to weather them together. We now have a future and I am so thankful and grateful.
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